Me, Myself and the Boys

This Could Be The End Of Everything

A few weeks passed by since my last post. A lot of things happened of course. First of all I found out why John was really pissed at me and why he had told me not to talk to Jasper anymore. Jasper told me himself, he didn't bother whatever John had said and I didn't bother too. Cause I won't let John live my life! I make my own decisions. But anyway, John was mad at me. He had told Jasper that he had the feeling like I had stolen all his "buddies". Frank, Jasper and Menno. They were/are all very good friends of John, but to John it feels like I'm taking them away from him. It's kind of ridiculous, cause the reason I met Frank, is because John always left me alone with him, so he could be alone with Menno. Menno has always been a good friend of mine, and Jasper I met him by accident at a party. It was untill three weeks later I found out he was a friend of John. It's just so stupid, cause I always had the best at heart for John, but he has no idea and I think he doesn't want to believe that. He doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I did speak to Jasper, which made John even more pissed than he was before. He sent me a text, which said that he had enough of me. I didn't care. I'm through with them.
I did see Jasper on Saturday. I just said hi, but I think John is mad at him too, cause he didn't say hi back. Or Jasper is mad at me too, cause I insulted John. I don't know and don't want to spend my time thinking about it.

Then Sunday, I had a party going on at y hockeyclub. It was a lot of fun. My eyes were all set on Julian. I really like him. I already liked him when I had a boyfriend, but of course then we didn't do anything. We just had fun conversations then. But this night we were both single and we were constantly making eye contact. He's a teammate of y trainer and their team was dancing. I went up to my trainer and had a nice chat with him. My friend was dancing with his teammates, including Julian. I was afraid she would go for Julian, but later that night she told me she had laid her eyes on Maarten, another teammate, but at that time she was dancing with Julian. So I got pretty jealous, cause I was watching him all night long and now she was dancing with him. I went up to Julian and told him he shouldn't be making me jealous. He smiled at me and then kissed me...
After that we went to the park, and spend an amazing night there. We were just sitting on a bench kissing and talking. It was amaing, and now...I'm in love! *sigh*

After this fantastic Sunday I got terrible news. I got to hear my grandmoother was suffering from cancer. It's pretty bad, the doctors said the can't do anything, it's too late. So I went to see her this Sunday and she looked terrible. It wasn't my granny anymore. All the lust seemed gone. I think this was the last time I was able to speak to her. What do you say to some one who has always been there for you and you will probably see her for the last time!? I had no idea, tears just kept falling down. There were no words, I just said: Goodbye grandma, touched her face and kissed her forehead. Then held her hand. It was one of the most awkward scenes in my life. Just knowing that the next time you will see her, is when she's dead. You can't imagine, unless you've been there. And I hope you've not.

posted by Fiona @ 12:43 PM